I've spent my lifetime desperate to become who God created me to be. I’ve always tried to be ready and prepared for the moment when the timing was "right" and being divinely thrust into my purpose.
However, when the journey is long and that catapulting moment doesn’t come, it’s easy to get distracted and end up meandering down the internal pathways where the gap between the visions I see through the eyes of my heart and reality, make it hard to tell if I am closer to or further from everything I believe is possible.
I thought I would be thrust into my destiny in 2016 when I became a published author only to be met by the devastating news that the publisher had been shut down by the FBI when they were indicted and later convicted for federal crimes against its authors all across the world! That was a hit I wasn't prepared for, and for a long time I stopped writing…except for random journaling along the way.
I felt like I lost myself during that season, but my heart continued nudging me to pour my heart out...to color life with everything I‘ve discovered and realized along the way.
The daily monotony before covid and this seemingly endless recovery process since I came home from the hospital in April, has shown me incredible things about myself and this journey.
It’s easy to get weary and overwhelmed emotionally and physically and the bait ever dangles to feel like a hostage inside of my own life - empowered through the connection, passion and inspiration that only my creator could pour through me and confined to the excruciating “process” knowing that just as when I was pregnant with each of my 4 darling and beautiful babies, timing is everything!
Trusting and having faith that there is a different way doesn’t make it easy…but it does make it possible.
I know one thing for certain - it won’t always be this way. I can’t deny though, responsibility and physical exhaustion never cease to amaze me how they awaken feelings and emotions like sleeping giants that roar and chatter like untamable beasts Inside my mind...nevertheless, I am strong and courageous for the Lord God is with me wherever I go - Joshua 1:9.
My intentions and desires are in the right place…I desire to make a difference in this world and be everything I have been created to be. I want to color the world with heaven and the warmth of my heavenly Fathers Heart... so here I am on the yellow brick road of my life… familiar, though uncertain where I should start or where the road will lead; I know one thing for certain - being disconnected from my source, it is only a matter of time before the fruit fades and the withering becomes irreversible.
Waiting for the perfect time and for everything to line up before I take a step is not an option - for I know that the fruit of my heart has been cultivated for this season and I have an ever present reminder from earlier this year when I was laying alone in my hospital bed connected to oxygen in the stillness of that hospital room that there is never a perfect time to start!
Waiting any longer to share this incredible journey is something I can't live with. So ready or not, here I am, but this year my gift to Jesus for Christmas is all that I am and all that I will ever become. I can’t wait to see what unfolds from here because I know that my family and I are the living proof that miracles are abundant, and I know that the best is yet to come!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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